If they were all somewhat insane
by CatAndCanine
Summary: Various clips of the Harry Potter characters at the most weirdest. Now with a 3rd Chapter.
1. Ginny Weasley, Pyro Maniac

Author: CatAndCanine

Title: If they were all somewhat insane

Rating:PG-13

Ginny Weasley cackled evilly as she shot spell after spell at the unsuspecting Dursley's who had now giving up at screaming threats (Which weren't really been taken seriously anyway since they _were_ tied to a burning stake after all) and were now sobbing and pleading pitilessly to their nephew who happened to be a wizard.

Said nephew was gazing at the cackling redhead with something akin to morbid horror (if there is such a thing) but made no move to help the Dursley's because even though he _was_ the boy-who-lived, the noble Golden boy of Gryffindor they _had_ locked him in a cupboard for ten years of his young life and insisted 

But after several long moments of wrestling with his damn conscience (Why? Why? _Why? _Did he have to have one?) eventually the littlest Potter (In the words of Bellatrix Lestrange) with much reluctance ordered the Pyromaniac to stop.

Ginny paused in her fiery crusade to look at Harry in a bewildered manner, a pout already forming on her ruby lips. "But-but, the flames are _so, priiiiiiiiiiity."_


	2. Albus, It aallllllllllllllllll makes sen...

Author: CatAndCanine

Title: If they were all somewhat insane

Rating:PG-13

"You're finished old man." Lord Voldemort declared coldly, his wand brandished fiercely in Albus Dumbledure's face.

Albus sighed sadly and hung his head. "But before you kill me Tom, I must know…Where did I go wrong? Why did the Dark side draw you so?"

Lord Voldemort pondered shortly and decided it was a fair enough question to ask since he _was_ gonna kill the man, but the question was, could the man handle it?

"It was…It was. The lemon drops. God dammit man! If you'd just given be strawberry it needn't have come to this."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not my lemon drops! The pain! The tortue! The HUMANITY!" and then Albus Dumbledure, Headmaster of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizadary (yadayadayada) began to sob, and then he knocked his head on the stone floor and died instantly.

The Dark Lord shrugged and kicked the body experimentally. "Well, that was easy."

Thanks to:

DarkSaiph, Princess-Perfect, Mandy Snape and Destiny13 (My fave line was the sentence about the 'pritty' flames aswell. HeHe.) for reviewing, I'm glad someone thought my story was funny, and Kimberly, I'm fully aware that my story makes no sense whatever but neither do I, or Cat, my equally evil partner in crime.

Ciao!

Canine


	3. Severus Snape, Are you sure? Reeeeeleee?

"Erh Sir? You wanted to see me?"

Professor Severus Snape didn't reply and instead continued to stare at Harry Potter with a fierce intensity that was making Harry shift uncomfortably.

"Professor?" 

"You have your mother's eyes Potter." Snape stated calmly, black eyes boring into the littlest Potter, who blinked largely with said Mother's emerald green eyes.

"I get that a lot."

"Do you _like_ your eyes Mr. Potter?" Snape queried menacingly, leaning so far forward in his desk that Harry had to take several steps backwards to avoid sharing an Eskimo kiss with Snape's large, yellow, hooked, oily nose. Harry shuddered? Who knows where it had been?

"Well dooooooooooo you Mr. Potter?" Snape drew out, blinking in an owlish fashion that disturbed Harry to no end.

Harry shrugged and adusted the strap of his bag, "I guess so."

"Would you rather have hazel eyes then? Maybe with a longer nose? Tidier hair? No scar to speek of?" Snape snapped, suddenly standing up and sweeping his way over to one of his potions cabinet, his actions hinting at normalcy where his words clearly betrayed that that was anything but true.

"Not really." Harry muttered, very wierded out by the Head of Slytherin's strange behaviour.

"Are you sure Mr. Potter?" Snape spun around,(almost tripping up over his own robes in the process) his eyes wild and more than slightly mad and Harry was suddenly very, very scared.

"Erhm, quite sure Professor." Harry said quickly as he hastily backed away.

"You'd look just like your father then," Snape breathed excitedly, following Harry step for step until the younger boy's back slammed against the door.

Harry rattled the doorknob to the exit, becoming increasingly more panicked as he realised the door was locked.

"Just like James then." Snape's eyes were diluted and extremely large in his sallow face that was slowly nearing Harry's ear, "Just. Like. James…"

Horror was quickly overtaking Harry's mind at the thought that Snape might actually try and touch him.

"Quick! Look over there! My Dad! He's alive!" Harry yelled, brandishing a pointed finger at a point far in the distance.

"What? Where?" Snape asked desperately, rotating in a large circle, black robes whipping sharply around him.

Silently thanking whatever deity was out there, that where he was concerned anything was possible and it was quite likely that James Potter was somehow alive and was now standing in his enemy's dungeon. Harry muttered a quick unlocking spell and ran like Dumbledure with a packet of lemondrops was after him.

Five minutes later after looking under desks and in Potions vials Snape came to the conclusion that another Potter had got the better of him. Snape pouted and fell down to the dungeon floor sullenly. Well, Snape thought brightly, at least _this_ one hadn't had the use of a restraining order.

Thanks to: DarkSaiph, marajade179 and hell'squeen, hope this chapter was as funny as the rest, and - like I told Kimberly, I know this doesn't make much sense but hopefully it will soon.

Also, people have this inane story on their fave list cool! And thanks!


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